Scars
by Queen of the Damned xx
Summary: I’m not staying to watch them put you in the ground...
1. The Funeral

**Scars**

How will I ever survive if I am alone? I don't want to look at your lifeless body any longer. It's breaking me down slowly. They're all leaving, and they're calling me to come with them. But I can't move my legs. I'm frozen to the spot. The snow flutters down and melts in my hair, and on my face making my skin turn even paler. With one final movement, I drop the snow covered red rose on your casket. I'm not staying to watch them put you in the ground. I'd cry too hard and make a fool of myself. Which, is just an excuse that I'm using to get away from the horrible pain.

"Come on, let's go." His voice is stern, though I can hear the faintest hint of sadness. I don't move, even as he tugs gently on my arm. I can't move, not yet at least. I have so many things to tell you still. You have to hear these words which cloud my mind night and day, begging to be released. I inhale quickly, falling to my knees on the snowy ground, my eyes watery.

"I…" I can't say anything yet. The words are stuck in my throat. I clear my throat, which just sounds like I'm just choking instead. "I miss you so much! I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should've been. I want to go back. I need to go back. I have to tell you so many things. Please…please come back to me."

"Really, you're going to make me cry. Now let's go." He was kneeling next to me in the snow. I could see that he had been crying secretly, but wanted no one to know. Still, even as I knew I needed to go, I didn't move a muscle.

"I can't leave him here by himself." My voice was trembling terribly, and I couldn't control it. "There's spiders…you know how much he hates spiders." I couldn't hold it in anymore. My tears came quickly and quietly. He put his arms around me, rocking me from side to side and trying not to cry as well.

"I know…it's alright." I felt him take a shaky breath and lift me to my feet. "Come on now. We can't linger. They're waiting for us." He placed his arm firmly around my shoulders and tried to pull me. But I stood my ground.

"Wait…I have to say one more thing." He looked at me strangely, but nodded and released me. I hovered over the casket and bent my head slowly. I waited a minute for the wind to pick up, that way I knew it would carry my words to you.

"Hurry up…please." I ignored him, and took a deep breath, lifting my head up and looking at the sky.

"I love…you…" With that I turned and walked back to the car. I sat in the back with the rest of them. No one spoke, and I had called the window seat. I stared at the land, coated in a sparkling blanket of white. It was so peaceful…so beautiful. But underneath the snow, the grass was cold and dead. Dead…my entire soul felt dead.

"Dear?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up into the puffy red eyes of Molly. Looking around I noticed we were back at the Burrow, so I climbed slowly out of the car. I decided on staying here for a while, so did Harry. We weren't going to leave the family like this.

"Sorry, Molly. Is there anything I can do to help…?" Half of the school was gathered inside the tiny house, which of course was made bigger by magic. A picture of the red headed boy stood on the mantle, surrounded by flowers. She must've saw me staring and just gave me a warm smile.

"Relax, and remember the good times with Ronald." I moved away from the crowd, taking a seat by the twins in the corner of the room.

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Fred said softly, placing a soothing hand on my shoulder. I just looked at them.

"He was your little brother. It must be very hard. I'm sorry too." The three of us held each other close, our body's shaking with sobs. I heard someone clear their throat behind me and I turned to see Percy standing there.

"Fred. George." He nodded at each of them as we slowly released each other. Taking the hint, I left the three alone to talk. Bill and his wife were there. So was Charlie and a few other people I couldn't name. I noticed Lavender crying with a few of her friends trying to comfort her. Nodding slowly, and assuring myself that she wasn't anything to you anymore, soI walked over and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Hermione…" She rose to her feet, her eyes watery and puffy. Her cheeks were tear stained. "I'm so…sorry." I nodded slowly.

"I am too." I was more than sorry. I was torn apart from the inside out. How much more I could handle? I wasn't sure I'd be able to go on. Surely, no one knew how muchyuor death had tortured me. They would never know. Not until tonight. While everyone was asleep, I would show them how much I really loved you.


	2. Until We Meet Again

**Scars**

**_--Until We Meet Again--_**

They think I'm asleep, they really do. But I'm not. I can't sleep. Harry's staying in the room with Fred and George, he won't stay in your room by himself. I can't stay away. The door makes a small creaking noise but I close it behind me quickly. This room is just the way you left it. I haven't been in here for ages. I examine the walls closely. Now I can see how much you were mad at Krum. You changed the posters, which makes them rather funny now. But I can't laugh, nor can I cry. I'm in a silent shock.

I settled myself down on your bed. I reach for your pillow and bury my face in it. It smells like you. I can't even describe your intoxicating scent. After ten minutes of thinking about you, I set the pillow aside and roll my sleeves up. I wince at the sight I see on my arms. Scar after scar, three of them spell out your name, even though I never meant them to. They just sort of did.

See what you did to me? I was so addicted to you, that after you left this world for the other one I didn't think I'd have the will power to go on, and now I know I can't stand another day without you here. I want to stay and help Harry kill Voldemort, but I need you more. Either I stay here and suffer, dying a horrible death of a broken heart…or I face my fate and join you.

Never thought that I'd go to these extremes did you? No one did it seems. When they find me, cold and lifeless, they'll finally see. Their eyes will open up to my suffering, and they'll understand…I hope. I don't want them to be sad, I mean, losing me after you might come as a shock, but at least they'll know I'm happy.

I even left a note. I taped it to the door to Fred and George's room so Harry can see it when he gets up. I didn't have the heart to wake him, I knew he'd stop me. Well, nothing can stop me now. I want to see you again, I want to hold you again. I've never tried to end my own life before, I wonder if most people are this happy when they kill themselves. I'm happy that I get to see you again. That's why I'm happy.

I heard about this from some girl at Hogwarts. She said her cousin killed herself by cutting her vein. At the time I thought it was repulsive, and I promised myself never to do anything. But I at the time I never imagined you to be dead. I hate sinking to this level, but what else can I do? I'm tired of suffering, I don't want to have to always rely on memories. I want to be with you.

I wonder if your touch will be warm still, if you'll still smile when you see me. I wonder if we'll be able to fall asleep together under the stars…I remember how we did that once. Not meaning to, but we did. Lavender had to find us, and you didn't speak to me for a week after. But…but you told me that you were just afraid. You were afraid that I hated you, but I didn't. I could never hate someone as perfect as you.

You didn't think of yourself as perfect though, you had no idea. I understand how you felt, like you were the outcast. You always came in second place, yea well, I was being used for my brains. That's all it ever was. I was always useless, I was way below you and Harry, and looking back I consider myself just the tag along. That's it…that's all I ever will be if I keep living this lie.

Enough thinking about the past, I need to focus on the task at hand. The pounding on the door forced me to look up, hot tears spilling down my cheeks.

"Hermione! Open the door!" He was going to wake the whole house, I knew it.

"Go away!" I hissed.

"Harry…what's going on?" The young Weasley girl asked loudly.

"Hermione has locked herself in there. She's going to…" He must've lowered his voice and whispered to her, since she just let out a loud scream and pounded on the door as well.

"If I had my wand…HERMIONE!" I just swallowed back tears and watched how the moonlight reflected off of the blade. I needed to do this, and I needed to do it fast. They were going to get to me soon.

"HERMIONE! PLEASE DON'T!" It was the twins, and they were…crying…I shook my head and took a deep breath.

"See you soon, Ronald." With that I sliced through my flesh, giving a loud scream of agony.

"NO! HERMIONE!" I didn't even hear the door open, but I felt the warm arms pull me close.

"No…someone…do something!"

"Harry…?" I felt so weak, I couldn't move, I couldn't even see anything. Just an outline of him.

"Yes, Hermione?" He asked, I could tell he was crying, and I didn't want him to.

"We can't Harry…I'm so sorry." That was…that was Charlie. I couldn't see anyone any more.

"I'll tell him…you miss him…" My eyes fluttered closed, and I can't remember anything else. I guess I just died in Harry's arms. I'm not sure what happened then, but I do remember waking up on the soft…green grass of Hogwarts, where I saw him. I got to my feet and hugged him tightly, and then I remember walking back into the school with him and…it was heaven…it really was. I didn't have to suffer any more, I was glad…

_**Our scars remind us that the past is real…**_


End file.
